Half of My Hart
by The Writer's Savvy girl
Summary: Series of Joshaya Oneshots! Hope you all enjoy!


**I know, I know I have multi-shots to write but I was listening and a song popped up and now I'm taking the one shot-route with this story I might make this a multiple one-shot thing let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GMW or the song "Nothing"**

 **Josh's POV**

 _Am I better off dead?_

 _Am I better off a quitter?_

 _They say I'm better off now_

 _Than I ever was with her_

 _"I'm leaving for Europe." Maya's Smile faltered._

 _"Uh…. Congrats," I said breathlessly. "When?" My voice returned._

 _"T-t-tomorrow." she stuttered_

The day's events plagued my mind, Maya's excited voice rang in my head.

We had been broken up a few weeks it was mutual at least that's what she thought. We had a big fight and said a few regretful words.

Everyone thinks we're good apart but I didn't believe them, they called me a good bachelor and they thought she was a flirt. We should be single or at least not with each other.

 _As they take me to my local down the street_

 _I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet_

 _They say a few drinks will help me to forget her_

I had been moping around the house since I heard her news, I feared the worst she would me someone in Italy or France or some other guy who she meets on her tour.

My friends saw me and my expression, and they took me to our usual bar, to try and cheer me up.

They practically have drag me there. Once I'm there though I'm ordering drinks like there's no tomorrow. Although tomorrow I will probably be very hungover.

But they say that it'll help forget her and everything about her.

 _But after one too many I know that I'll never_

However after a while of downing glasses I knew I couldn't, I couldn't forget her musically voice, her breathtaking smile, her glittering, clear blue eyes, her everything. Because she was everything good in my life.

 _Only they can't see where this is gonna end_

 _They all think I'm crazy but to me its perfect sense_

After my realization I stand up. I walked to the door, my friends following although with steadier steps. I hail a Taxi and they all share a look of concern for my sanity, no matter I knew what I was doing, at least drunk me does.

 _And my mates are all there trying to calm me down_

 _'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town_

I opened my window and before anyone realized I was shouting "MAYA! MAYA!" the passerby's stare as my friend grab my arm and try to get me to stop and calm down. But nothing could stop me I needed to find her.

 _I'm swearing if I go there now_

 _I can change her mind, turn it all around_

I know how compassionate Maya is, she''l listen she might take me back even after everything, even with her trip. I could change everything, and make things right again.

 _And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words_

 _And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred_

 _So I, dialed her number and confessed to her_

 _I'm still in love but all I heard_

 _Was nothing_

And I know she'll hear the slurred tone to my voice but that doesn't mean she'll snub me right? Maya knows how much I care about her, I sure she does.

I want to call her, and I want to tell her everything. To tell her how much I loved her, how much I still love her.

I hit the call button, and nothing, so I hang up.

 _So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences_

 _I know if we're face to face then she'll come to her senses_

 _Every drunk step I take leads me to her door_

 _If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure_

I need her to hear me to listen, so I leave the cab, my friends quickly following me and though my stepped are uneasy, and I'm stumbling I continue walking gripping any stable surfaces on my way.

Every sloppy step closer to Maya's apartment fills me with hope and anticipation, because I know that Maya even if she hates me can't stand to see anyone suffer. At the moment I don't care that Maya's too good for me, I just want to be selfish for once, and I need her to take me back.

 _And my mates are all there trying to calm me down_

 _'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town_

 _I'm swearing if I go there now_

 _I can change her mind, turn it all around_

I call her name I need her to hear me, to find me. But my friends try to silence me again I jerk my arm from their grasps, and take a bigger lead.

I need her to see me and change her mind. I know when I think it, that it's terrible and the most selfish thing I've probably done, but imagine the sun being taken away, or your favorite color no longer in your possession, not for you, its like my happiness left with her, and I desperately need it, her back.

 _And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words_

 _And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred_

 _So I, dialed her number and confessed to her_

 _I'm still in love but all I heard_

 _Was nothing_

I continue to try to call her and tell her everything but she won't respond. It hurts but not as much as losing her forever I could never go though that. Its at this point I'm glad I'm glad I'm drunk Josh, because regular me wouldn't do this, he's not bold or daring.

Still, I can't call, she won't answer and all hear is the dial tone, I hear nothing.

 _She said nothing_

 _Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing_

 _Oh, I got nothing_

 _I got nothing_

 _Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing_

I began to feel afraid because when I called her, the first time she didn't say anything not _"Josh go home, you are drunk."_ Or _"Okay."_ Or _**"**_ _What?"_ Or anything. What if she didn't want to get back together?

I then pushed the thought back deep into my mind, I had to at least try.

 _Ohh, sometimes love's intoxicating_

 _Ohh, you're coming down, your hands are shaking_

 _When you realize there's no one waiting_

I soon realize I'm almost there, I sit down on a nearby bench. I thought to myself, that if Maya made this trip, because she's not waiting for me, she wants to move on.

My hands shake at the thought, and this makes me realize how deep my love is for her.

After all the years of denial, then all the years of waiting. We found each other but we were to afraid to take a big step to see if it was worth the wait. But I think I've always known it was, but I didn't bother, and I ruined everything. This was going to be made up to Maya because it was my fault she didn't know already

 _Am I better off dead?_

 _Am I better off a quitter?_

 _They say I'm better off now_

 _Than I ever was with her_

My three friends who have followed me the whole night, try to console me once again, and say I was good to quit, and I was much more fun single than with her.

But they're wrong I just wasn't with them so much, but I was alive and truly happy with Maya.

Also being a Matthews means I can't quit on anything that's worth working on to begin with. I might just be better of dead than quit at this point.

 _And my mates are all there trying to calm me down_

 _'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town_

 _I'm swearing if I go there now_

 _I can change her mind, turn it all around_

And I know they're wrong any their words just make me more motivated to get to Maya. I call her name in a hoarse voice and my friends in their exhaustion barely try to stop me.

I need her to forgive me. At least I need her to hear what I have to say, if after she doesn't agree then I will quit, and only then.

 _And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words_

 _And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred_

 _So I, dialed her number and confessed to her_

 _I'm still in love but all I heard_

 _Was nothing_

 _She said nothing_

 _Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing_

 _Oh, I got nothing_

 _I got nothing_

 _Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing_

 _Oh, I got nothing_

I want to call her as I take the few more steps, to get to her but I refrain because I know she won't have anything to say to me.

But I need to see her. See her honey blonde hair float in waves down her back. Watch her blue eyes gleam in intuition. See her rosy lips curve into a perfect smile. See her tilt her head elegantly to the side. See her eyelashes flutter in slow tired blinks. He needed to see it all and he knew he would fall in love again.

 _I got nothing_

He had nothing from the phone calls, so he knew as he approached the front door of her apartment he was making the right move.

and he hit the bell.

 **So guys, did you all enjoy? It took me several hours to write this but I knew I love the concept. If you guys want a sequel to find out what happens let me know by reviewing or sending a PM. Love you guys bye!**


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